23.58

Karena, jiwa yang resah dan hilang tidak akan pernah mengerti.

Maka, ada masa dimana kamu hanya bisa sumpah serapah 

dan meraung pada awang-awang.
Berteriak dalam diam.

Pada udara, 

langit malam, 

atau ruang hampa.

Berharap didengar semesta.

Lalu mengemis minta diajari cara memaafkan.

Sedih boleh.

Biar tahu arti bahagia.

Gusti, hidup memang banyak PR.

Depok, 4 Juli 2018

Garis Waktu

Terbentur.
Tersentak.

Kaget.
(Jakarta, 24 April 2018)


Meraung.
Meronta.
Merasa dijebak Sang Pencipta.
(Jakarta, 25 April 2018)


Akhir
(Jakarta, 28 April 2018)


Mempertanyakan.
(Jakarta, 29April - 1 Mei 2018)


Mendefinisikan ulang.
Berdamai.
Amarah.
Menerima.
Memaafkan.
Memaknai.
Menjadi seimbang.
(Jakarta, 2 - 10 Mei 2018)


Menerima.
Memahami.
Menuntut kejelasan.
Memilih (damai hati)
Belajar mengasihi.
(Jakarta, 11-12 Mei 2018)


Meracau untuk pulih
(Jakarta, 24-25 Mei, 28-30 April, 11-13 Mei)


Penghabisan/cleansing.
Menulis untuk pulih.
(Jakarta, 13 Mei 2018)

Darling, it's free

I do not demand to be adore anymore.
But if your good soul would kindly give such beautiful attention,
I would gladly recieve it.


I am learning  not to expect things anymore.
But if you wanna come, please come.
I will give you my love.
I have plenty of them,
 and about to be abundance as time goes by.
 It's free.

Darling, it's free.

Ngga Nyambung Sih, But This is What Came After The Hurricane

And here comes a man of science
who doesn't believe in Relgion,
God,
and
Ghost.
Because he scientifically could not prove them.
Then I once asked him.

"What about love?"
"How do you explain love scientifically?"

Then he answered:

"Love. It's a chemical reaction. A reactions of hormone in your body"

Thank you note #1:

Thank you note #1:

He may have his own purpose. 

Whatever it is, whether for an exploration, 

adoration, 

acceptance, 

acknowledgment, 

or 

probably just trying another chances 

to find what was long he possessed but not anymore. 

I never knew.

Apart from hatred and pain he has caused, 

he didn't realized that 

he also gave a growing soul so much confidence. 

And you wonder, 

how can a life phase 

could be so hurtful and lifting at the same time?

3.05.17

Self Healing #1

You have learned about hatred, 

taste a bit of pain 

and about to master the realm of lust. 

I hope the next one will be love, dear. 

I really hope it will. 

Because you deserve it.

18/04/2017

"Hatred"

"Salah ngga sih, kalau Tuhan pingin diri ngerasain kebencian?" 

"Selama ini, selalu aja dinetralisir 'rasanya', ngga mau digubris kalau datang. Soalnya kan ngga baik ya?" 

"Tapi kan ada dualitas ya? Ngga bisa 'suka' aja."

"Mungkin "benci" yang kita kenal selama ini sifatnya destruktif. Jadi once dia dateng, kita ngga pernah coba buka pintu kita untuk kenal dia"

"Yaa mungkin Tuhan emang mau Diri mengenal apa itu "benci" kali. Supaya bisa ngerasain dan belajar rasa yang lain"


Monolog 05:43, minum susu sambil lihat teras.